Communicating Your Birth Preferences
How to Identify What Works Best for You
Welcome to the journey of birth planning, where your preferences can feel as varied and plentiful as an ice cream menu. As you prepare for this exciting adventure, you might find yourself overwhelmed by all the choices and decisions ahead. It’s completely normal to feel like you’re juggling a lot of priorities—don’t worry, you’re not alone. Ultimately you’re just hoping to make your ideal birth preferences and have it be a peaceful and healthy experience, but with so many options, it might seem like trying to pick a favorite from an endless list. So how do you decide which preferences are non-negotiable for you? We hope this blog post can help you begin navigating this journey!
Understanding your birth preferences
What are birth preferences?
A good starting point, what ARE and AREN’T birth preferences? Simply put, your birth preferences are your choices and preferences in how you would like your ideal birth and labor to unfold. These choices can reflect your personal belief system, values, expectations for your labor, comfort measures used, and beyond. These preferences can reflect a wide variety of aspects such as environment, support team, pain coping strategies, labor and delivery, medications and interventions, immediate postpartum…you see how the list can go on and on.
These “preferences”, or “plans” as some like to say, are just that, choices and requests in how you would like your birth to progress. Birth preferences are NOT rigid plans. This distinction between preferences and rigid plans is an important one to make. Though we do want you to have the most informed and peaceful birth experience possible, the nature of birth nudges us to surrender and be flexible in how our own personal story will unfold. Before diving into forming your own birth preferences it’s important to come in with this open-handed mindset.
Why do they matter?
So you might ask, if I ultimately have to let go of control in birth, why should I even form my own personal birth preferences? Though the nature of birth does involve flexibility, thinking through your preferences can influence your birth experience and help ensure your needs and desires are still considered. According to Evidence Based Birth, randomized trials found that parents feel empowered by creating birth plans! They can be a valuable communication tool to your birth team as you walk through your pregnancy and express your desires you’d like to be considered. Though it’s true, each womb and baby is designed differently and there will inevitably unknown aspects to your personal birth story, there are still knowns to physiological birth, evidence-based practices, and choices you have along the way. Understanding these things can be a good touch-point when considering your preferences as you learn along the way.
Identifying your top priorities
Checking-in with yourself
To understand what your priorities are, setting aside the time to self-reflect will be important in pregnancy. A good place to begin is envisioning your birth space, how does it feel? Consider all five senses when thinking on this, what are you listening to? What smells are going on around you? Who is touching you? What are you wanting to hear? What are you wanting to snack on? This simple reflection might surprise you in what you are hoping for. Many women struggle with picturing their ideal birth in case it won’t happen…but what if it does? Before ever putting pen to paper, checking-in with yourself will be an important component moving forward. During your reflection things that are more significant to you might come to mind, not what is essential to your best friend, mom, or sister, but to you. It’s ok if you don’t understand all your options at this point, but what feels most crucial? This can also help guide you in how you initially form your birth team.
Next, getting a grasp on things that will be available to you and WHY they are offered to you, such as: cervical checks in pregnancy and labor, membrane sweeps, pain coping measures, medications, these are just a few things that are good talking points with your provider. What is their birth philosophy and when do they deem certain interventions as appropriate or necessary, and are you comfortable with that? Their reasoning might make you feel at peace with a decision, or may make you realize it is unnecessary. No matter where you land on certain issues, you will begin to form opinions.
The “Hill you will Die on”
Once you have a grasp on your belief of how you’d prefer certain aspects to be handled in birth, now it is time to consider your “non-negotiables”, or the most critical aspects of your birth plan. Again, these non-negotiables are still preferences, but it is a way to communicate to your provider what is most important to you in your experience. This could be limiting cervical checks, not offering medical intervention unnecessarily, or even how they handle monitoring the baby (continuous versus intermittent). Whatever the case is for you, make sure this is clearly communicated with your birth team. Some of these preferences might be more flexible than others, depending on your birthing location, pregnancy circumstances, or provider, and that’s ok! This is where the component of trusting your birth team will come to play. No matter what, communication is key! On our personal birth preferences sheet (we will provide this template at the end of the blog) we work through with clients, we leave the top-right section open for the mom to express these non-negotiables. This way, the first line-item is seen at the top of the sheet for the provider and birth team.
How to communicate these preferences
Evaluating your preferences
Now that we have preferences formed, what is the most effective way to communicate them? Keeping a physical copy of these preferences short and sweet (one page) will be most effective, along with using a draft to bring in with you to prenatal visits and having several conversations with your provider prior to the onset of labor. Some birth preference templates (several pages long) can be overwhelming to a provider, we want to limit this! Using your birth preference sheet in conjunction with effective prenatal visits and communication will be where a lot of understanding happens. Don’t wait until you come in with your birth preferences sheet at the onset of labor to be the first time you are revealing your preferences. The hope of this sheet is to use it as a communication tool throughout your prenatal experience. When you finalize your preferences in your last prenatal visits have your provider sign and scan it into your file to ensure you know it is there for the rest of the team to see. Also, keep a hard copy in your birth bag as a back up! You can hang this in your room where you will be giving birth as a visual reminder to the team in your space.
The role of a doula in formulating & communicating your preferences
At this point you might realize just how involved it can feel to effectively learn, decide, communicate and walk-through your variety of birth preferences. Que the doula…at Ezer Birth we see your prenatal journey as a perfect time to guide and support you through education, conversation, and all the emotions that come with that! A doula can help you not only understand and navigate different birth options, but also hold a safe space for your emotional processing. There isn’t always a clear “right” answer in these decisions and we hope to be with you as you process what is best for you and your family.
Not only is a doula a great companion in your education and emotional journey, but we also facilitate discussions around preferences with your healthcare team. You might know what conversations you want to have, but feel unsure how to approach them. We are here for you! As your advocate and birth companion expert, we have experience in guiding conversations with particular questions that might feel difficult to walk through. No matter the birthing location, as your doula, we can provide information about various interventions and practices. Having this knowledge in your back pocket helps in making informed decisions about your birth preferences.
Another helpful component a doula helps you walk through is processing and creating a “plan b”. With the unpredictable nature of birth, having a backup plan can be beneficial. We try to broach this conversation with empathy and sensitivity, explaining the potential scenarios. Doing this can help you prepare for the changes that might unfold in labor without feeling out of control. We want you still as an active participant in decisions even when things might not go “as planned”. As your doula, our presence will not change, and we will walk with you in this process.
Ready to start the conversation?
Knowing your birth preferences and having a plan in place can significantly reduce anxiety. When you’ve discussed and considered your options beforehand, you’re more likely to feel calm and at peace in labor. Clearly communicating your preferences helps ensure that your healthcare team understands and respects your wishes. This clarity fosters collaboration and supports a smoother labor experience, even if adjustments are necessary. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to articulate your birth preferences, we’re here to help. Book a complimentary consult with us to discuss your desires, explore your options, and create a plan that works best for you. Our goal is to support you in achieving a birth experience that aligns with your values and expectations.
Understanding and communicating your birth preferences can make a significant difference in your overall experience. By working with a doula and taking the time to identify what truly matters to you, you can approach your birth with confidence and clarity. Remember, we’re here to support you in crafting a plan that feels right for you!
